I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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