yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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