I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
