someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
