Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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