Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
