Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
