btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
