I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
