What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
