you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
