Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
