i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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