I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
