I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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