I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
