The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
