It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
