MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize