I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
