dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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