we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this boner is exhausting
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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