If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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