This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
