It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
