everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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