You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize