It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
