i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
