Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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