i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
