I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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