It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
