Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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