I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
