Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
