Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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