Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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