I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I want to be your penis for a week.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
