well you can't waste a boner
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
