I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
