Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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