barbara walters just said penis...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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