oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
