And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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