eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
