Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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