I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
