My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sarcasm needs its own font
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
