I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
They should really pass out barf bags in church
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
