The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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