dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize