Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
