well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Little spoons don't ask big questions
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
