Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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