Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i wish my penis had a tongue
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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