I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
