Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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