Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They have beer where we have blood.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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