Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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