Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
