Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize