Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Enjoy the penises
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
