I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
