Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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