Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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