She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
