is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
