I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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