Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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