Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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