Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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