I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize