hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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